Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I Think They Call This...Ummm Venting
Sometimes....I get in this mood where I want to be in love. I look at Beyonce and Jay-Z and find them ridiculously adorable. I look at my parents and see a young love that lasted. I look on facebook and see pictures of couples making silly faces. Then I look through my pictures and see memories of him and I. I remember all the good times and I get an urge to let him back in. Instantly I get a flash of all the laughs, smiles, kisses,hugs, and tears. It's like a rush and I realize that we aren't what each other needs at this moment. I toss those memories back to the back and I exit out all the pictures.
Then I think about the present time. I'm very intrigued, by the new guy, but it's new. Part of me never wants to let it grow because I don't want to let anyone close enough that I seem vulnerable. Then every time I try to find something wrong with him he does the opposite. I want to go there with him, but it seems like I find myself making a list of imaginary reasons as why not to. Then, since I'm trying to not get too attached I take baby steps back.
After I think about all of this I usually fall back to my father. I rest in our relationship. He's the leading man in my life and that's good for now, but sometimes I wonder if that's just going to be my story. I know I'm young and all, but I can't help but wonder.This didn't even accomplish anything though. I just vented. lol