Tuesday, June 15, 2010

All to Myself

Like, when did I become the type to share? I mean I share, but not my man. Is he changing me and if so is this for better or worse? These thoughts have been running through my mind lately. I mean we've been dating for six months and we still haven't made it official. I even knew him a year before we started dating, so what does that mean?
I mean there is no doubt in my head that if I said I was leaving if things don't become official that he wouldn't make it happen, but I don't wanna bring it up. I want him to. I mean yes we are a million and when I say a million miles away from each other I mean it, but I thought love conquers all.
Part of me never brings it up because I think it would be unfair to make a young man that has it all together give up his single life to be in a monogamous relationship with a girl who lives a 7-9 hour drive away. So, why do I care about this dumb title?
Oh, that's it. I don't like to share, but I share for him because this is not the simplest situation. WE are BOTH in college with jobs and leadership positions in organizations on campus, so we don't have the most time. It gets stressful and I can be a total BITCH at times, but he doesn't trip. And even though he is a million miles away he is ALWAYS there when I need him.
And when we do finally see each other it's always wonderful. I feel at ease and he's a sweetheart. I mean I just want to be his girl and I know that titles aren't everything, but I'm tired of going on pointless dates and entertaining conversations when I know what I want. Shoot me I'm selfish!
I mean I won't be saying anything to him about this because I want for him to want it. I don't want to be in a relationship because he thinks he has to do this in order to not lose me. I want for him to be in it because that's what he wants.
I mean at the end of the day I'm happy, but it just weirds me out that he's not my man. Well, he is MY MAN and I have no problem acting like the crazy girlfriend even though I don't have the title. He never stops me either it's like we know what it is, so what if it isn't broadcasted.
I just don't want to lose myself. I don't want to change because of him, but maybe that's what relationships are about. Learning from one another and changing for the better. I mean, but who says this is better? I don't know. I've just been thinking.


1 comment:

lipstick cherry said...

hi hun, i'm having a makeup sale on my blog so please feel free to check it out! thanks ;)